Home.

*So I set aside tonight (saturday) to do a little writing since it has been quite a while, but wow, I need to take a quick breather/moment of silence to collect myself after that incredible win. I must say, it really is great to be an Auburn Tiger. And Texas A&M can certainly shove it. War eagle.*

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, on to other things that are almost as important.

Home.

Home is a complex institution that is difficult to tag a definition to. People try; Webster's dictionary's definition of home is: the place (such as a house or apartment) where a person lives. And possibly more accurately, Urban Dictionary defines home as "A word that means something different to each person who uses it. A person's home can be the place where they live, the place they grew up, or the place where the people they care about live. In the case of some people, home is a variable concept, changing dependent on the placement of another person or object, or a person may even consider his or her own body the only 'true' home." 

While these two definitions take a crack at unraveling the true meaning of 'home', I still believe that they have barely grazed the surface. You see, to me, home is many things. Yes--as cliche as it is--it is where my heart is, but it is also where my family is. Where my deepest rest is found. Where I find love. Where I find warmth. Where I can find solitude. Where I can cry without shame. Where my friends are. Where I can remember spiritual growth taking place. It's milestones and monuments in my life. That's home.

I can give you the address to my house, but my home is much more expansive and elusive than that. Home to me is not just a structure or a house in which I live, but a place where my soul is at ease. Collectively, I call home: Johns Creek, Perimeter Church, and now Auburn University. They all contribute much importance to my life and deserve the reward of being deemed my home.

I do love my family so very much.

I love that my house is ready for fall

I also kinda love Perimeter.

I love my girls and Auburn University.

And yet, while this is a deep description of what I believe home is, it's still not accurate. I can't conjure up a perfect picture of home because I haven't experienced it in fullness yet. My earthly home is only a glimpse.

See, a real home is without emotional friction. It fulfills all your longings. You fit like a puzzle piece. And no matter how much effort we put forth to make this world our true home, it's all futile. We end up making a fool of ourselves like trying to fit a circle into a square. It will never work. We'll never fit completely here. Ever.

I've learned this lesson the hard way recently in my life's transition to Auburn. I know I wouldn't have learned this lesson if it wasn't the hard way, though. In fact, good ole Tim Keller says, "We just said that no one ever learned about his or her sins by being told. We have too many layers of self-justification to grow without hard knocks." 

Likewise, it makes sense that when you move your life to a new place that you would seek to make that place feel like home to avoid separation pains from where you once lived and that's all well and good, but it seems that I took it further than I should have. 

I guess I could explain this phenomenon by using one word: selfishness. I looked to every area of my life, considered how I could make it most comfortable, and began to execute. And this is particularly humorous because I actually thought that I had even a little control in my life. I definitely know now that I don't. 

I put so much effort into achieving my goals and none of them were successful or fulfilled me the way that I thought they would. I was disappointed and of course turned to the mindset that I am a worthless human being that has nothing to offer to anyone because isn't that what everyone thinks about themselves when they fail? Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm a little extreme and may have a tendency to jump to absolute generalizations. I'm aware.

But it wasn't until I went back to Johns Creek for a family friend's funeral that I understood my failures

--and how I grew to be thankful that I failed. 

I had been opting to think destructive things about myself instead of pursing truth for weeks. As it turns out, I'm very good at avoiding conviction. Well, when I went home--in the solace of my own room--I finally had to face my situation. The Lord promptly opened my eyes to the sin I had been living in. He showed me that I had been doing anything and everything possible to make this world my home. I wasn't comfortable here so I set out to rectify that, but all my efforts got me nowhere. He then reminded me so gently that the reason I was failing and feeling so downcast (I can sympathize with David in Psalm 42) was because I will never be able to achieve this. Sin has ruined that; the friction of trying to find comfort in a place that doesn't know what comfort is breeds unsuccessful efforts. 

I wrote to Hayley about this via email (yes, we email each other. It's cool and you know it.). I said, "When I went home for the funeral I really dealt with a lot of conviction that I had been previously avoiding and shoving off. I felt the Lord lift my burden off my shoulders and kindly convict me that I had been trying so desperately to make this place my home and I was feeling the tension because I'm so obviously made for eternity. This world is not suited for those clothed in the righteousness of Christ." 

Mmmhh, we are not suited for this world. Like a man's untailored suit, we can wear the world and it will suffice for a while but it doesn't fit and it looks silly. Not flattering. Likewise, this world is not flattering to those made to be clothed in the fullness of God. Nothing else will feel right but those righteous garbs of eternity that we will one day experience in fullness. How much of an immense blessing is that? 

You see, I'm made to be in the full presence of God. I'm made to live a life that is sinless and void of struggle. I'm made to live in a place where I never feel tempted to degrade myself. I'm made for a place where my love is not only reciprocated, but overwhelmed. None of those things are attributes of this earth. 

So I was reminded yet again that I am waiting eagerly for ETERNITY and nothing else. Nothing else is worthy. What a relieving truth--I'm still headed home. I'm not there yet, and I have the God of the universe to abide with in the meantime. I must not lose sight of that. 

Hebrews 12:26-29 ESV puts this beautifully.

"At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, 'Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.' This phrase, 'Yet once more,' indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

Every institution in this world that is shaken is being sifted out and at the coming of Christ will forever be destroyed, but those in Christ will stand for eternity because we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Children of the King, rejoice!

Basically, beware the comfort seeking tendency of human nature. It only leads to settling for something far less than what has been won for us by Christ's victory on the cross. 

So breathe in and say 'This world is not my home'. Repeat it if you need to because I certainly do. Remember, "But our citizenship is in heaven and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." (Philippians 3:20 NIV). Amen.