one second.

Christine: "GRAB YOUR STUFF"

okay, wow, what's happening. I can't believe this.

*I squat down to get my stuff*

Christine: "Let's go! We're jumping the railing. Stay together."

I really need to clasp Mary Claire's hand. My phone is almost dead. I can't get lost in this sea of blue.

Out of the corner of my eye I see my brother's girlfriend passing. I call her name, and she turns around. We hug and express our mutual amazement. This is unbelievable to everyone.

I have to keep going. 

*I almost slip; someone breaks my fall*

There is so much liquid on these bleachers. I've gotta keep going. I'm almost there. I'm at the bottom.

Random guy: "Hey, I'll help you! Be careful.”

*A guy ushers me over the rail and into the bushes*

These bushes are definitely prickly. I hope I didn't pick my leggings. Whatever, that’s not important. I'm still in shock. 

Me: "Mary Claire?!"

Whew, she's right behind me. We made it. 

*I look up and see the masses heading in my direction.*

There I was, standing on Pat Dye Field in Jordan-Hare Stadium where Destiny had just overcome Dynasty sending the Crimson Tide rolling home. War eagle.

Rod Bramblett was right, "they were not gonna keep 'um off the field tonight".

They definitely weren't going to keep me off the field. I stayed on that field for 45 minutes amidst orange shakers, blue clothes, reverse rammer jammer cheers, and Auburn family members to bask in the glory of what had just gone down on the ground under my feet. I was right there; the reality was palpable. This had really just happened. After a 3-9 season, Auburn had not only followed up with a now-historic win over Bama, but also a win in the SEC Championship and a first-class ticket to Pasadena on the 6th. That one moment decided so much; it was a moment of pure bliss and absolutely ranks in the top five moments of my life.

So how did I get there?

It only took a second.

One moment I was biting my nails so worried (and sick to my stomach) at the thought of Bama making the 56 yd field goal, and the next I was hugging everyone in sight after watching Chris Davis run the short field goal attempt back 109 yds into the end zone. And all of this happened with just 00:01 on the clock. One second can make a world of difference. 

This begs the question: Do you understand the power of a second in your life?

I would like to think that many of you—like me—have no concept of the power of a second, or more specifically, God's power within that second. But in an attempt to seek wisdom, I turned to a character in the Bible who seemed to trust the power that God has to do anything in such a quick and unexpected manner. This man's name is Jeremiah, a prophet of God. 

He prays in Jeremiah 32:17, "Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you."

----Let that sink in for a second----

Now, the chapter of Jeremiah 32 starts off by relaying that Jeremiah is imprisoned by King Zedekiah of Judah because he prophesied that the Babylonians would take over Judah and capture the King. Zedekiah is not too fond of this prophecy, so that’s why he’s holding Jeremiah behind bars. The King then asks Jeremiah why he would prophesy such a thing, and Jeremiah basically says, "Because God told me to, duh," (okay, not really in that form, but you get the point. humor me). Jeremiah then continues by describing how God told him to "buy the field with silver and have the transaction witnessed," (Jer. 32:25b). So Jeremiah bought land while the Babylonians were taking over. When he handed over the deed for the land to a guy named Baruch, he prayed the words above. How powerful.

It seems to me that Jeremiah was called to complete strange tasks that did not seem to correlate, but was entrusting God to make sense out of the mess surrounding him. He knew that the Babylonians taking over, his arrest, and the field now in his possession were all just a part of God's greater scheme, and so he proclaimed that NOTHING is too hard for God. God can change whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He is not bound by time or obligation. Jeremiah was aware of this and knew that he was imprisoned for his true King, spent money at the call of his true King, and most of all, was joyful at the powerful identity of his true King.

Are there things happening in your life that feel like planets out of rotation—completely random and unrelated? Does it seem like some struggles that you experience lack hope? Do some places that the Lord calls you to seem dry and desolate?

Well, the good news is, if those questions apply to you, you are not alone in the body of Christ. Your family members constantly forget the power of their Savior and honor a weakened version of Him accordingly.

See, what the kingdom needs to be aware of is that every second (every struggle, victory, tragedy, etc.) is on the line and out of our hands. God holds every second in His capable hands. He directs our steps and our circumstances with love. We get haughty and think we know what’s best for us, but God has gone before and protects us from the things that we think we need. After all, He is our perfect Father, and fathers desire to take care and provide for their children out of love.

From studying this passage in Jeremiah, I believe that Jeremiah knew that God owned his time. He was obedient to the call without hesitancy. He prayed expectantly knowing that nothing was too hard for our God, and this radical belief and trust set him in a position to see God do big things.

You know, God does unbelievable things constantly, but if you’re not looking and asking Him for a revelation, you might not notice it. I know that when I look back on my 19 years of life, I see multiple times when God saved me drastically from sins, situations, and struggles, and I was very unaware of His work until years later. Basically, if we ask passionately and whole-heartedly, we will see Him work. God will work even if it is in a way that is unexpected or seemingly undesired. Be in awe at the power of your Savior to change the course of your life in a second.

Essentially, prayer is of vast importance. It isn’t about prayers being answered exactly as you desire them to be, but it goes much deeper. C.S. Lewis once said in response to someone ridiculing him about how his prayers had not been answered, “That’s not why I pray, Harry. I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God, it changes me.”

Prayer, honest prayer, strengthens the bond between you and God. It heals wounds; it’s a facet of worship. I can guarantee you that in Jordan-Hare Stadium on November 30, 2013, with 00:01 on the clock, thousands of Auburn fans said the short prayer I said, “Lord, Auburn could sure use a win.” I wasn’t testing God, and I was aware that it was just a game, but God did something drastic with those prayers. He gave us an unbelievable win that Gus orchestrated but God ordained.

Yes, God would still be on the throne if that other team had won, but that’s not my message. My message is: submit to the one who has the power to change your life in a second. That’s how long it took for him to save our souls on the cross—your struggles are no different.

So seek to live a life of faith and prayer like Jeremiah, so that you can build up your relationship with Christ and dwell on the power he possesses. Believe that he can move mountains, cure the sick, remedy your breaking heart, bring love into your life, heal friendships, feed the hungry, provide for monetary needs, comfort you, give you focus and endurance, pick you up when you need carrying, and give you glimpses of eternity. NOTHING is too hard for Him. Jesus even says in Luke 18:27, “’What is impossible with man is possible with God.’” Find freedom in the fact that if you’re saved by Christ, this powerful God is on your side. 

Lastly, expand your imagination. His power knows no bounds because nothing is too hard for him. Not even 00:01 can hold him.

Home.

*So I set aside tonight (saturday) to do a little writing since it has been quite a while, but wow, I need to take a quick breather/moment of silence to collect myself after that incredible win. I must say, it really is great to be an Auburn Tiger. And Texas A&M can certainly shove it. War eagle.*

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, on to other things that are almost as important.

Home.

Home is a complex institution that is difficult to tag a definition to. People try; Webster's dictionary's definition of home is: the place (such as a house or apartment) where a person lives. And possibly more accurately, Urban Dictionary defines home as "A word that means something different to each person who uses it. A person's home can be the place where they live, the place they grew up, or the place where the people they care about live. In the case of some people, home is a variable concept, changing dependent on the placement of another person or object, or a person may even consider his or her own body the only 'true' home." 

While these two definitions take a crack at unraveling the true meaning of 'home', I still believe that they have barely grazed the surface. You see, to me, home is many things. Yes--as cliche as it is--it is where my heart is, but it is also where my family is. Where my deepest rest is found. Where I find love. Where I find warmth. Where I can find solitude. Where I can cry without shame. Where my friends are. Where I can remember spiritual growth taking place. It's milestones and monuments in my life. That's home.

I can give you the address to my house, but my home is much more expansive and elusive than that. Home to me is not just a structure or a house in which I live, but a place where my soul is at ease. Collectively, I call home: Johns Creek, Perimeter Church, and now Auburn University. They all contribute much importance to my life and deserve the reward of being deemed my home.

I do love my family so very much.

I love that my house is ready for fall

I also kinda love Perimeter.

I love my girls and Auburn University.

And yet, while this is a deep description of what I believe home is, it's still not accurate. I can't conjure up a perfect picture of home because I haven't experienced it in fullness yet. My earthly home is only a glimpse.

See, a real home is without emotional friction. It fulfills all your longings. You fit like a puzzle piece. And no matter how much effort we put forth to make this world our true home, it's all futile. We end up making a fool of ourselves like trying to fit a circle into a square. It will never work. We'll never fit completely here. Ever.

I've learned this lesson the hard way recently in my life's transition to Auburn. I know I wouldn't have learned this lesson if it wasn't the hard way, though. In fact, good ole Tim Keller says, "We just said that no one ever learned about his or her sins by being told. We have too many layers of self-justification to grow without hard knocks." 

Likewise, it makes sense that when you move your life to a new place that you would seek to make that place feel like home to avoid separation pains from where you once lived and that's all well and good, but it seems that I took it further than I should have. 

I guess I could explain this phenomenon by using one word: selfishness. I looked to every area of my life, considered how I could make it most comfortable, and began to execute. And this is particularly humorous because I actually thought that I had even a little control in my life. I definitely know now that I don't. 

I put so much effort into achieving my goals and none of them were successful or fulfilled me the way that I thought they would. I was disappointed and of course turned to the mindset that I am a worthless human being that has nothing to offer to anyone because isn't that what everyone thinks about themselves when they fail? Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm a little extreme and may have a tendency to jump to absolute generalizations. I'm aware.

But it wasn't until I went back to Johns Creek for a family friend's funeral that I understood my failures

--and how I grew to be thankful that I failed. 

I had been opting to think destructive things about myself instead of pursing truth for weeks. As it turns out, I'm very good at avoiding conviction. Well, when I went home--in the solace of my own room--I finally had to face my situation. The Lord promptly opened my eyes to the sin I had been living in. He showed me that I had been doing anything and everything possible to make this world my home. I wasn't comfortable here so I set out to rectify that, but all my efforts got me nowhere. He then reminded me so gently that the reason I was failing and feeling so downcast (I can sympathize with David in Psalm 42) was because I will never be able to achieve this. Sin has ruined that; the friction of trying to find comfort in a place that doesn't know what comfort is breeds unsuccessful efforts. 

I wrote to Hayley about this via email (yes, we email each other. It's cool and you know it.). I said, "When I went home for the funeral I really dealt with a lot of conviction that I had been previously avoiding and shoving off. I felt the Lord lift my burden off my shoulders and kindly convict me that I had been trying so desperately to make this place my home and I was feeling the tension because I'm so obviously made for eternity. This world is not suited for those clothed in the righteousness of Christ." 

Mmmhh, we are not suited for this world. Like a man's untailored suit, we can wear the world and it will suffice for a while but it doesn't fit and it looks silly. Not flattering. Likewise, this world is not flattering to those made to be clothed in the fullness of God. Nothing else will feel right but those righteous garbs of eternity that we will one day experience in fullness. How much of an immense blessing is that? 

You see, I'm made to be in the full presence of God. I'm made to live a life that is sinless and void of struggle. I'm made to live in a place where I never feel tempted to degrade myself. I'm made for a place where my love is not only reciprocated, but overwhelmed. None of those things are attributes of this earth. 

So I was reminded yet again that I am waiting eagerly for ETERNITY and nothing else. Nothing else is worthy. What a relieving truth--I'm still headed home. I'm not there yet, and I have the God of the universe to abide with in the meantime. I must not lose sight of that. 

Hebrews 12:26-29 ESV puts this beautifully.

"At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, 'Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.' This phrase, 'Yet once more,' indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

Every institution in this world that is shaken is being sifted out and at the coming of Christ will forever be destroyed, but those in Christ will stand for eternity because we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. Children of the King, rejoice!

Basically, beware the comfort seeking tendency of human nature. It only leads to settling for something far less than what has been won for us by Christ's victory on the cross. 

So breathe in and say 'This world is not my home'. Repeat it if you need to because I certainly do. Remember, "But our citizenship is in heaven and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." (Philippians 3:20 NIV). Amen.

just stop.

As most of you know, I am an Auburn fan and an Auburn student, so on game day in the plains you won't find me anywhere else but in Jordan-Hare Stadium. Now, this Saturday was monumental for the Auburn family because it was the first SEC game of the season, of which we lost 10 in a row last year and the year before (and as always, no, I don't wanna talk about it). So you can imagine my anxiety when it was fourth quarter with 1:56 left on the clock and Mississippi State was up by three. 

Usually, if I was at home, this would be the point where I would leave the living room to go watch the rest of the game upstairs in solitude for fear of showing my not so lovable side if things didn't go our way--well, basically if Auburn blew it. Ask my Dad, he knows how angry I can get. I'm definitely not proud.

Okay, so we had possession and before Nick Marshall started throwing down field I said out loud to all the people around me, "He's gonna choke. He's probably going to throw a pick."

Immediately someone turned around and sternly said, "Don't say that."

And with 10 seconds on the clock Marshall threw to Uzomah in the end zone for a touchdown. The crowd went wild, and I no longer had a pit in my stomach. Wow, what a relief. Auburn's first SEC win since 2011. War eagle.

So a burning question comes to mind when I reflect on the events of that night: Why did I feel the need to express that he was going to choke? Where was the hope and my Auburn Spirit? 

This is a question that I unfortunately know the answer to. And it goes like this: I have an uncanny desire to prepare myself for hardship in advance. 

This may sound strange to you, but don't fret, it sounded strange to me too when I first realized this tendency of mine two months ago. I was sitting in Hayley's basement a week before I was leaving for school, and to be honest, I was terrified about going to Auburn because I knew that I was going to have to handle tribulation, and after a summer full of struggle, I was over it. And because she gets me and I could care less about what she thinks of me, I laid it all out for her and everything began to unravel.

Seriously, my love for this girl is unbelievable.

You see, I dabble in people watching, but I also have a tendency to try to fix everything. Come to find out, these two traits can get me into quite a bit of spiritual trouble.

I had been hearing stories from girls similar to me that had gone to college before me that their freshman year was so unbearably difficult, and being an observant person I consolidated all of their stories and concluded that freshman year has the potential to be the most difficult year thus far in my life. Of course they all talk about how they would never take it back or do it again because they were refined by the fire and became more like Christ through it--which is a gift that can never be surpassed--but I still felt that I needed to grasp the idea in order to maintain the knowledge that I would inevitably struggle in college. And also, I aimed to understand the hardship early in efforts to avoid their struggles.

It seemed that this became all I could talk about with people. I desire to be real and give honest answers to personal questions, so when I was asked how I felt about going off to school, I shrugged away from the obvious "I'm sooo excited! I seriously can't wait!" and edged towards a response more along the lines of "I'm very aware that it is not going to be easy, so I'm excited to see how the hardships make me more like Christ." Okay, seriously? Who says that. I was trying to sound like I was sophisticated and like my head was firmly placed on my shoulders, but in reality, that statement could have easily been translated to "I don't trust that the Lord will provide me joy in the midst of all situations at Auburn so I'm trying to store up understanding now so that I can handle it on my own later." Yikes, my heart is certainly depraved.

So as I was talking to my dearest friend, it occurred to me that I had been living in the future trying to figure out how to best prepare myself for the battles to come, all the while feeling like a spiritual giant with all the answers. And yes, Jesus was swift to slap me in the face with the truth that I simply CANNOT do anything on my own, much less fight a battle against evil by myself, and that boasting in faulty spiritual wisdom that sounds like precept--yet is not--and can be convincing is heartbreakingly deceptive. I was trying to play God by obtaining the knowledge of God. I'm very guilty of this. Talk about conviction. 

With this very hefty realization, I pieced together a passage from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters and how it so relevantly correlated with my new found sin issue. If you haven't read this book, drop everything and do it now. You probably think I'm kidding, but seriously, do it. It is a book written from the perspective of a respected demon, Screwtape, who sends letters to his nephew, Wormwood, as a sort of a "How to" on being a successful demon. Wormwood had been assigned to tempt or lure a Christian man away from their so called "Enemy"--better known as God the Father almighty--and bring him to their "Father Below". It is a fresh perspective on temptations and sin issues that Christians deal with and uncovered many areas in my life where I was stumbling into temptations that I was almost entirely unaware of.

This is the section that pertains entirely to this struggle.

[The demon Screwtape writing to his nephew, Wormwood]

"Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human (say a widow or a scholar) to live in the Past. But this is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past and it has a determinate nature and, to that extent, resembles eternity. It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. It is the most completely temporal part of time - for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays. Hence the encouragement we have given to all those schemes of thought such as Creative Evolution, Scientific Humanism, or Communism, which fix men's affections on the Future, on the very core of temporality. Hence nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead... We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the Present."

Alright, so yes, being a believer who attended a covenant Christian school for 8 years and is a member of a church deeply rooted in truth, I was aware that spending my time thinking about and investing in the future is wrong and ultimately unfruitful, but for some reason it never occurred to me that meditating on potential affliction and suffering was living with my heart in the future. In fact, one of my favorite verses that the Lord laid on my heart in high school was Acts 1:7-8, which says: 

"He said to them: 'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.'"

But even though this verse taught me that knowing the future is not my responsibility (nor could I handle it), I still wasn't enthusiastic about college because for weeks I had been "daydreaming" about how miserable it was going to be. I was trying to grasp what the Father has set by his own authority. So yes, thinking about future suffering is equally as wrong as gazing towards future joy and blessings instead of counting your blessings in the moment. And for some reason, this is a truth that had never even crossed my mind. How dense am I? 

I allowed my ignorance to tempt me into living future-mindedly, which according to C.S. Lewis is the least like eternity (which we were made for, HELLO) out of all segments of time, but when the Holy Spirit so abruptly convicted me of this sin, I knew of nothing to do but to fall prostrate in repentance. 

So a week before I left for school, a peace came over me. God provided me with a new mindset about Auburn and tools to fight my tendency to figure out my future and construct my own armor. He reminded me that I am clothed in his armor and that he WILL take care of me (which seems to be a reoccurring theme in my spiritual journey as of late).

And he totally has. Let me just brag on my King for a second. 

I have made some incredible friends in the past few weeks, and he has answered my prayer for community in a resounding way. I'm giving him all of the credit because there is no way that I could have met all of these amazing people on my own. I literally feel like I stand with my arms hanging and my jaw dropped when I think about the ways that he has provided immeasurably more than I ever wanted or deserved. Wow, I'm overwhelmed with joy. 

And no, my life is no where close to perfect, but I'm watching my struggles shift from loneliness to new and wonderful things (that's sarcasm in case you were wondering because it's still sin). But while I'm still 110% sinful, I'm excited to be refined in new and different ways. It means that he is chiseling away at my sin and he is still working on taking my heart from a tarnished piece of marble to a beautiful image of his son. How could I not be excited about that?

He's been gracious to teach me that living in fear and expectation of suffering is like trying to be the author of a story that has already been written, published, and stocked on a million bookshelves. He has already gone before me, and I now understand that I can, should, and will rest in that truth.

God is not human or the quarterback of a football team, he is the powerful creator and shepherd of everything in existence, so from here on out I won't be sitting around anticipating that my God will choke. 

He won't. He can't.

encompassing underestimation.

It's Sunday morning; I'm walking back to my dorm room from across campus where I had just received my bid to become an AOII. A few minutes up my route, I run into an old friend and her parents whom I've known since I was a kid. Talking to them is refreshing and restful; just seeing their faces makes me smile and feel like a little piece of home is right beside me. We parted ways, and immediately a sadness falls over me. Thoughts of my family are racing through my mind and homesickness sets in. I finally get back to my dorm and immediately dial Hayley. She picks up, and as we are talking I'm realizing that she's feeling homesick too. She starts to say that despite the numerous people she's around, she's struggling to find depth, community, a solid foundation, and it just feels lonely. As she's saying all of this I can't help but begin to reflect on what I left behind when I moved to Auburn on August 10th, 2013.

I left a loving home. Brothers and sisters who I genuinely loved spending most of my time with. Parents who are the most accurate depiction of Jesus in my life. They pray for me, serve me, and care for my most simple (and sometimes over the top and ridiculous) needs. 

I left behind friends who know my quirks, best qualities, shortcomings, ridiculous laugh, struggles, failures, victories, insecurities, and the heart of my relationship with Christ.

I left a school of people whom I've grown to exist with over the past four years. Some who I know and love, and some who I may have never talked too. Nonetheless, I felt comfortable there. At most I felt appreciated, but at the very least I felt like a part of it. I belonged. 

I left a church that is almost as much of a home to me as my actual home. The body of Christ cultivated at Perimeter has pushed me, taught me, shown me grace, led me, given me leadership positions, and taught me what discipling looks like. Watershed, Perimeter's high school student ministry, was my firm foundation during those four years. All of my best friends were there. My adult influences other than my parents and mentor were there. My mission work was accommodated there. My summer job was there. My study sessions, late night walks, deep talks, parking lot chats that last much longer than anticipated, and good, hard cries have all occurred on that campus. I lived and breathed that church. My faith and my relationship with the almighty God would not be the same if it wasn't for Perimeter. It was by the grace of God that I got to experience the blessings of such a gospel centered church. 

I also left an incredible mentor, woman of God, and friend. Christian was so much more to me than just a weekly (or sometimes monthly) get together. She honestly knowns me better than I know myself. She has the ability to uncover heart issues that I'm not even aware of and then hash them out with me. She taught me the importance of diving into the word and building a real, honest relationship with Jesus. She has so much grace and love, and she carries herself with a dignity that can only be found through the Holy Spirit. Her wisdom is so rare and genuine. She is an actual Proverbs 31 woman. If I ever possess any of her qualities, I will stand eternally blessed.

I had left some pretty wonderful things back home, so my homesickness was starting to make sense in my mind. Like puzzle pieces fitting together.  

Quickly I begin to relay my epiphany to Hayley, and we commence the discussion about things that we love and left, and an hour was quickly passing by. I begin to tell her that I love her--knowing full well that my conversation with my best friend was about to end and I would be alone once again--but never have I meant it more. I then I hang up and call my Dad. A similar conversation with tears and sadness is taking place. I miss them and I want to see them and feel known again. I catch myself wishing things would go back to the way they were.

Alright, I have to stop here. That was Bid day which was a week and a half ago. The amount of tear-filled, phone-a-friend nights I've had since then are unhealthily numerous. I'm around people all the time but still feel like my soul is lacking communication. Depth is almost nonexistent in any brand new friendship, but it's exhausting to lack depth in every friendship all at once. I feel drained because I don't have anyone to pour my life out to, discuss struggles with, or cry with. I don't feel known or a part of anything. Externally, I belong to a sorority and classes, but internally I feel as if no one truly knows me well enough to determine if I really belong or fit in. The struggle is real, and I am beginning to appreciate the beauty and blessing of what I had in high school and clearly don't have here.

Alright, I need to stop again. That was Monday afternoon. I remained stagnant in the lull of self pity and fear for two weeks straight. I had great times during those weeks, but when I had idle time I began to compare my past with my present and then issues began to spring up everywhere. I would eventually get over myself after every homesick spat and could only end up on my knees in prayer. I begged the Lord for understanding and peace. I needed to be reminded that the events of my life are ordained and purposeful--that I wasn't going through this for no reason. That there was a much larger picture than my own earthly happiness. 

He answered this prayer in a mighty way Tuesday morning. He made clear to me that I have been underestimating His power in my life across the board. Every area was covered in doubt. I hadn't been giving Him the credit that He deserves since I moved to Auburn. It's almost as if I decided to try to take the reigns and do everything myself in my social life, and clearly I'm seeing the fruit (or lack thereof) of those efforts. I didn't have faith that He could and will provide me with community. I didn't have hope in the promises He so boldly proclaims to His children in His word. I conveniently forgot His distinct calling for me to be at Auburn, and began to doubt that he had the love or ability to take care of me and my needs there. How did I have the audacity to make such claims against the creator of the universe? How could I possibly doubt Him and His power? Why would I choose to forget that He is on my side and already fought the battle and won the war for me?

My naivety and ignorance baffle me. I feel so ashamed to have to admit all of this, but the bottom line is that I drastically underestimated the power of God.

God almighty built the universe from His own imagination. He crafted each species of plants and animals uniqueIy--nothing the same. He designed the mountains, valleys, beaches, and deserts. He created every human differently: physically, socially, emotionally, and intellectually. He brought the plagues, parted the seas, turned water into wine, made a blind man see, fed the five thousand, raised Lazarus from the dead, walked on water, took on sin and a brutal death for all of His children which ultimately saved my depraved heart. What an overwhelming miracle. He's stunningly impressive, and does it all for the glory and fame of His own deserving name.

I firmly believe that if I constantly remembered how powerful my heavenly Father actually is, that I would live every day without a care for the things of this world. Loneliness, insecurity, jealously, fear, and shame would have no hold on my life. Everything would change and fall into perspective if I had an accurate view of God. I am certain that because He is capable of such great and mighty acts, that taking care of me in my transition from my old home to my new home will be a simple task for Him. How could I forget that?

So, an accurate view of God will be exactly what I pray for myself and my life, but also for others--that everyone would see God accurately, not watered down, so that he may be appropriately honored, appreciated, and glorified.

He is bigger than _______. He is stronger than _______. He is better than _______. 

*Fill in the blanks with anything you desire; the statements will always ring true. That is where my hope lies.

"By his power he churned up the sea;

    by his wisdom he cut Rahab to pieces.

 By his breath the skies became fair;

    his hand pierced the gliding serpent.

 And these are but the outer fringe of his works;

    how faint the whisper we hear of him!

    Who then can understand the thunder of his power?”

-Job 26:12-14

SO excited to call these girls my new friends. AOII my AOII.

He has big things in store; I know it.

new beginnings.

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."(Rom. 8:22-25).  

new beginnings.  As I sit here, dumbfounded as to what to begin my blogging career with, thoughts of catchy lines or smooth phrases cloud my mind as if that's what people come to read.  No.  People want to hear real, raw, and relatable stories.  I'll get to those soon (and hopefully they will be relatable. fingers crossed).  First, I've deemed it necessary to explain my purpose in this run-of-the-mill, everyone has one, blog of mine.  The name of my blog--waiting eagerly (with strength not my own)--is solely based on the passage of Romans 8:18-27.  I chose this topic of waiting on eternity and the promises of the Lord NOT because I am an expert at sitting back and humming 'Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright' (even though I'd like to think so sometimes), but in fact because I am such a failure at instilling well-deserved trust in my King.  I constantly fight the battle of discontentedness with what this world so obviously tainted by sin has to offer and the detrimental desire to feel fulfilled.  How, then, because I am a child of God, could I be roped in so easily to this world's cycle of destruction?  That is a question I ask myself daily, and sometimes ask the Lord, but not nearly as much as I ask myself out of sheer pride and pity.  

Thankfully, the Spirit is always swift to remind me that talking myself in circles is no good, and that grace, all-powerful grace, has already covered my doubt and small-mindedness.  Needless to say, I am waiting eagerly for a world where I can live sinlessly in the presence of my Pursuer and Savior.  But in order to maintain eager expectation, I need patience that only the Lord can supply, hence 'with strength not my own'. 

You see, I haven't even the slightest clue as to whether you are a believer or not, but either way, I am here to inform you that 'there is no one righteous, not even one'(Rom. 3:10).  And by that, the apostle Paul means that every human is completely dead to sin and ONLY made alive to righteousness by salvation through Christ Jesus through his work on the cross.  Conclusively, I am utterly incapable of even making it through one day with my eyes totally fixated on the promise of eternity or in other words, to wait eagerly.

I have a lingering problem with letting the small things bring me down and discourage me, so looking towards eternity is the only mindset or activity that snaps me back into truth. Throughout the past four years of my life (high school woo hoo), God has been hammering this message of hope and grace into my thick skull, so I thought I might share a little bit of my journey because when it comes down to it, I'm just a sinner walking through life with strength not her own, and you can be too.